Ahhh....massageee

It's Saturday and I've been here in China for two weeks. I have been asked on several occasions if I'd be interested in a massage. Until now I had always said no, Mostly due to modesty and the fear of getting into uncomfortable situations. But after the wear and tear of two weeks of badminton, ping pong , basketball, taxicab death rides, and a bed I liken to granite, I finally give in. So after a morning of basketball practice and suit shopping my coworker Kevin and I hop a shuttle to Pacific massage. When entering the establishment we are shown to a downstairs locker room. Here we place all possessions including clothes into a locker. We grab towels and are led to the shower room. After a shower in a private stall, thankfully, I find myself in a large room complete with pools and jacuzzis and many naked chinese guys walking around talking to each other like they were at the company water cooler. My coworker meets me and asks if I would like to jump in the pool or maybe the steam room? After noticing the patrons frolicking in the jet pool I quickly recommend the steam sauna instead. It's much harder to see in that room. After a few minutes we leave and go to the nextstation where they give us clothes to wear. I am first given what looks to be a hairnet. Only it has two holes cut out of it. Great, disposable speedos. I put them on and it feels like I've been vaccuum sealed. Then I'm given pajamas to put on. We leave the room and head into another. The clothes I am wearing are way too small (see; Discoverng the giant within) but I continue on.

I am taken into a room that looks like the sportsbook at the Belagio. Only at every lazy boy some patron is being given a back rub or wrist massage, or head squeeze. we are given a drink and a plate of watermelon slices while we peruse the rub-down menu. I am told that we will be getting foot scrapings. This is were the petticurist scrapes all the dead skin off your foot with a file. I get through both feet with out laughing but it is damn near impossible. I felt sorry for the guy scraping my feet. 30 years of dead skin accumulation made it look like he was grating parmasian.

After this ordeal we choose from a selection of massage styles. There's chinese, japanese, hong kong, and thai. We go with the hk. It's basically 1 1/2hrs of pain. My masseuse squeezes my neck and shoulders so hard I think she must be practicing the vulcan neck pinch. then she shoves my feet into the small of my back. Im staring face down through the hole in the table, biting my lip and drooling. Through the thin screen walls I here another man yelling and over the loud speaker Hotel California is being played. Baby oil is used and at first application it is soothing. then the heat kicks in for an additional level of torture. mercifully our session wraps up and I'm asked if I want to keep going. "no, no. I'm fine".

On our way back downstairs we stop at the hair salon for head and scalp treatment. This part I liked. a 45min shampoo. This was heaven. But when it's over it's back to the showers. I finish ahead of Kevin and return to my locker. Unfortunately so does two attendants that insist on dressing me. I snatch my underwear out of there hands and put them on myself, but that's all I can manage as yet more attendants come over to help. "Hey guy, where from?" America "Oh hey, america I love!" I must be a rare sight. Not too many foreigners go into these places. More guys must have heard this because now I'm surrounded by a dozen helpers. Two are untieing my shoes while others put on my socks while others hold my legs in the air. It's ridiculous. I much prefer our American self serve attitudes. I run out of there and pay up. I've been there now for 4 hours. The bill is $50.

That was an interesting experience but one I'll probably save some money next time and just jump in my washing machine for a couple of cycles.